[somewhere i have never travelled]

This week, I was asked a question which I could not answer. Not a factual question, but a question about me. I like to think that I know a lot about myself, but this... this I could not answer. I could not even bullshit an answer. I had to smile and shrug off the question in a manner that convinced no one that I was not bothered by this.

But now I'm pretty sure I know. I am, as so often is true of the human condition, afraid. I am afraid because right now I am in good graces. I may not be perfect, but thus far my flaws are few and forgivable. I am an outsider, revealing what I want you to see when I want you to see it. Although what I show you is genuine, I am living a lie of omission simply by not allowing myself to be immersed any deeper.

I am afraid of that look in your eyes when you find a flaw that is not forgivable. I am afraid to fall because I am so tired of picking myself up and moving on. I am well-versed in picking myself up after I fall, but ill-versed at making amends. But mostly I am tired.

I want more, but I'm having trouble with the give-and-take. Hopefully, I'll figure it out before the novelty wears off.