[wanted to say]

Before I got off the bus, I wanted to hand you a slip of paper that said "Abuse is abuse. These people will help you," with the number of a local women's shelter. I wanted to look that man in the face and tell him to SHUT THE FUCK UP. I wanted to tell you that you deserve better. I wanted to help you. I wanted to reach out.

I couldn't or didn't.

I go on food stamps Monday. If you're a student (at least half time), you're not eligible to go on food stamps unless you're working 20 hours/week. Luckily, right now I am working 20 hours/week. I can stay on them for 6 months before they will re-evaluate me. The money will be a big help. I'm looking forward to being able to eat properly again.

I can feel my body, even when i'm full, rendering the effects of malnutrition. I am sluggish, lazy, and tired almost all day. My muscles ache, unable to heal themselves from lack of protein and iron. My blood sugar is constantly low, and for the first time in years I crave soda on a regular basis. I am thoroughly hydrated, though, because water is all I can afford, and the summer heat mandates that I drink it almost constantly. I buy pears and peaches at Lexington Market when I can, which keeps me in fiber, but my body longs for the whole wheat, healthy proteins, and steady supply of fruit I used to be able to eat. It has been a while since I've really eaten that way though. This semester was difficult for me.

Right now I'm in pretty good spirits. I will be in better spirits soon, when I have the ability to buy food. I still have some biscuits and a pear in my backpack though. And a pack of ramen that I can hopefully make somewhere tonight.

This summer is a good thing. I am not quite exhausted at the moment. I hope I can keep going, stay in good spirits, and save some money so that come August I can make housing work out.

I also hope I can take a shower tonight or tomorrow. We'll see.